`mira <3

Sunday, February 28, 2010 19:25 Y

After all that has happened, I just want to thank you for everything. Thank you for still remembering me after all these years. Thank you for telling me everything that's been bottling deep inside you. Thank you for giving me the chance to tell you everything that I've kept for all these years. I won't deny that it's going to be hard, but I can assure you that I will try my best to help you. I will be there when you need me. I will go through this with you. This is what I am able to do. This is what I dare to promise, I'll be there in every step that you take. I hope you won't take this kindness as a weakness. No, I am not that weak young girl no more. I won't be defeated that easily now, and I won't go down without a fight. What matters most now is my very own happiness.

with love,
`mira<3

Friday, February 12, 2010 20:06 Y

I've been abandoning this blog for quite some time now. And I'm back with some updates. There's a possibilty that I may delete this blog, then again maybe not. It depends though. School's out! Awesome! Two months of holidays and off to second year. And I probably have to repeat a module. :) How fast time flies. And I mean it literally. A lot of incidents happened within this one year period in poly. May be looking for a job but most probably not. I have to tie a lot of loose ends in my life now. Have to fulfil my resolution, make up for lost time and plenty more to be done. Repenting soon, if that helps.

Life as a whole has been wonderful yet worrying. I am enjoying myself with him, yes I am. But despite the fun and all, I still have this tinge of guilt and anxiety. Please tell me I am doing the right thing. Please let this be the last and final ordeal that I have to go through. Please let happiness prevail in my life after this chapter. I have to be strong, not just for me, but for him too. No matter how painful it is for me, I have to put on a brave front for him to go on; for him to succeed. It has always been that way. I'll be happy if he's happy. That being said, I will be selfish this time. I have to fight for my happiness now. I won't give in, not anymore. I won't be the naive and gullible girl I used to be. The girl who gave in to others at the expense of her own happiness. No, that won't be the case. I shall do what I deem is right. Whatever it takes to make me happy.

with love,
`mira<3

Sunday, January 17, 2010 13:12 Y

I miss you even when you're around. I miss you even more when you're away. I shall wait, I hope I am strong enough to wait a little longer. I have been waiting for this experience and time to come, and I can smell victory nearing, on my side. I shall be a little more patient, but please don't take this for granted. This shall be the final chance, and if it doesn't work out, then you know what is going to happen. I told you before, I told you everything. Come back soon and I mean it literally. Settle your problems as soon as possible, it pains me to see you so pressurized. It makes me feel helpless and hopeless, not being able to help you at this time.

-Some people come into our lives, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never the same again.

And that's what you did to me. :)

with love,
`mira<3

Tuesday, January 12, 2010 14:39 Y

I'm doomed! I've been deluding myself all these years. I've been lying to myself. I was in denial. The vow is void, totally void! There's still a lot of risks, no doubt. Plenty of risks and I don't know if I should take the gamble. It won't be easy, it never has been. Not in the past, and even harder now. Sometimes I hate myself for falling for you. I don't know why it must be you. I don' t understand why you have to be the first and only guy I have ever loved. Circumstances are holding me back, making me think twice, thrice and a million times. I just want things to get better, to work out. To just find and ending to all these mess.

with love,
`mira<3

Sunday, January 03, 2010 20:05 Y

The VOW mira, remember the vow!

Crap, I almost gave in to my emotions. You didn't realise I was talking about you, did you? I expected it. I broke down last night when he asked those questions out of the blue. I just did, I tried not to but I can't. I was helpless, I just didn't know what to do. I didn't sleep a wink last night, just stared into blank space. After all the hard work I put in to push those memories away bit by bit, he came back and brought back everything at one go. It didn't help that I had to meet him two days straight though I tried my best not to look at him in the eye. After so long of not experiencing the heartache, it caught me by surprise when it came back last night and now as I type this. This is what I hate, the thing that I feared. Why did you have to come back into my life? I was doing fine with my life after you left and before you reappeared. It took me a while to mend the "unhealed-yet-broken-again" heart. Why? Why? Why? I don't need another heartbreak just so you know. I honestly hope that things will get better for you and your girl. I'll be happy to see you happy, truly. Though I won't deny that it might hurt, but I'll deal with it like I always do.

with love,
`mira<3