Friday, July 27, 2007 18:45 Y
Okay, so here it goes again. The decision lies in ur hands whether to believe all these thoughts & not. (:
Firstly, to the both of you, if you think that I prioritize the guys than I guess it's all a misunderstanding on our parts. If u think me being with them means flirting & I'm being flirtatious, I'm sorry. That was never my intention. & I admit that my previous post was a bit overboard. That's something I did wrong & I'm totally sorry if they hurt ur feelings. They are important to me, I don't deny that. But the 7 of you are equally important. Definitely yes.
But honestly I don't understand why we are drifting away from one another. Seriously. From my point of view, I think all of us [the three of us] played a part in this problem. Oh yes, & lets not waste time by blaming each other & others. I don't blame the girls coz the problem is never with them. & yes I agree that the 8 of us shared almost everything together even if it means our lives. Yes, that's true. We stuck by each other like there was never a tomorrow. We stuck to our stands & we remained in the world we created. To hell with what others said about us. Yes, I don't deny that. & I'm happy with that. & In friendships, there's bound to be misunderstandings & misconceptions. Oh & I admit I do sometimes leave u girls out. But was it this bad?
& yes ur helps are VERY MUCH appreciated, thank you. They really mean everything to me. Yes, u were the first person I went to when I had a problem with that bloody jackass. Why? Because I knew you'll be there to help me & u did. Thank you once again. But do u ever know that I'm struggling with my life & problems now. Put aside our differences; other problems I mean. These problems started to surface even before all these misunderstandings. Oh yes, but where were you? I needed u girls from that moment on & at that exact moment u girls disappeared. I don't blame u coz maybe there's other important things in ur minds. That's fine with me. Or maybe u may think that I never made an attempt to come to u. I understand that u have ur own personal problems. I'm trying my best not to be a burden to u.
& Of coz darl, no one in this world is perfect. True what u said. I totally agree with that statement. & For that, even u & me are not perfect. So maybe that is the reason why we are having this stupid & childish conversation here over a mere bloody misunderstanding. & I personally think WE are being childish & nonsensical about this.
I repeat again, if u girls think that I am prioritizing the guys over u girls then u are definitely wrong. I'm sorry if u think that way, I truly do. & If by the guys u mean the four of them then I'll tell u girls that they are just like the 7 of u. Even when I'm with them, u girls are definitely & still on my mind. & It doesn't matter who dumped who now isn't it? Even I can't stop u from choosing ur partner in life. Whoever ur decision to be with, I respect it & will of coz give u girls my blessings. That's for sure.
If the thought & perception of me always being with the guys hurts the heck of you, AGAIN I'M SORRY. If u want to make me apologise in public makes u feel any better, I will. Coz the thought of prioritizing them over u never crossed my mind. & U girls above all others should know the reason why I can't possibly live without liwi. I expect u to know & I don't blame u if u don't. No worries. Let me tell u why. Like u & ani, u've known each other for a good 7 to 8 years I presume. Bestfriends u call it. & I'm sorry if ever I came into the picture. But with that, I want to conclude that even he is my bestfriend. Though not as long as u girls. But yes, he's my other half & u girls are my other half. & I wouldn't be here typing all these shit if u guys didn't exist. Practically to me, I don't think I'll be here living. U guys make up my life & that's something u never knew. I'll just be a living body with no soul; a lifeless body. Pardon me if it's dramatic coz there's no other way for me to express all these thoughts.
If u think I didn't care for ur feelings, I'm sorry. Coz I DID. I know it irks u everytime I talk about the guys. Sometimes even I don't know why I do all the things I did. I don't deny that. But at least I watch my words unlike some people who just can't control their mouth & go around cursing people. Now, that's my confession. How do u think I feel when someone u trust calls hurtful names & say hurtful stuffs? I think I know how elly felt last year after being chided about her bf. Why does people love to be hyprocrites? I'm not saying about u guys, but in general. I admit sometimes I can be hypocritical.
& Yes, we seriously need to have a good long talk about this. Even I hate seeing us like this. We are practically strangers now. We were strangers to begin with but over the years we built up a strong foundation of what people call friendship that can't possibly break. But I honestly am not sure if that foundation & bond will last. Time will tell what will happen. Thank you for sparing ur time to read this. Much appreciated. (: