I'm super pissed off right now, for God knows what reason. If I don't like him, why in the world did I feel extremely DISGUSTED & MAD when I saw the picture? I feel like crying now. I know it's no longer a secret about it. & I've not cried because of a guy for aeons! Seriously, I'm unaware of my own feelings. Eiiqah bby approached me at msn asking am I okay. So, chat with her, told her everything. Thanks adek for the support! I love you. Fadhli, elly bby also asked me was I okay. I don't know, I don't think so. I feel all cramped up inside of me. Damn! Why must I feel this way? Weird how everything changes in a split second.
Thought I couldn't live without you It's gonna hurt when it heals too It'll all get better in time Even though I really love you I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to It'll all get better in time
[edited] So, I was freaked out by buddy's question just now. I would have screamed at him if he was in front of me. He asked the jackpot & bonus question as though he knew the dilemma I was facing. I was numbed for a moment & I felt cold. Really really cold. Elly became my target. Sorry babe! But yeah, nearly fought with buddy over that. I kind of vented my frustrations on him. Blame him for asking that question which I have no answer to. Yeah, I literally broke down just now. Honestly, I don't kow why tears were streaming down my cheeks. I have no clue. I was listening to my handphone and it didn't help. In fact all the songs that was played reminded me of him since I put on shuffle mode. Elly bby finally understood the problem I've been facing, unclear of my own feelings. Sometimes I feel that guys = misery. But I know not all guys are like that. Just not my time to find the right guy. In fact, I don't think I'm ready for guys & relationships right now. Although sometimes I really envy those couples out there. But face it, in every relationship there's bound to be unhappiness along the way. Little problems here & there, misunderstandings & stuff like that. Putting all these together, then you'll have a wonderful relationship, provided if the couple can work things out sensibly with tonnes of trust & responsiblities. See, it's not so simple & easy afterall to have a smooth sailing relationship which can last long. Sometimes I wish that by falling for a heartless guy & being around with a heartless guy can eventually make me heartless. But no, I'm still just another strong headed girl who's trying to hide and protect her vulnerability. If it's meant to be, it will be.
Somehow, I was reminded of him when I was listening to these two songs. Cause this were the songs he sang to me when he was playing his guitar. He sang the first song Kau Ilhamku this year in MT room 5 when I was helping him with his D & T portfolio. I remembered how hard I was blushing & didn't dare to look at him in the eye. But he kept looking at me trying to get my attention & in the end, I conceded & looked at him. Buddy was the witness. The second song, I'm not sure. Maybe last year or the year before that. How weird that I remembered this little things. I daren't put my hopes up high but he kept giving me false hope. Nevertheless, I jollywell know that it's just a wishful thinking on my part & nothing good can ever come out of it. I'm prepared for the worst, as usual. But no matter how much preparation I make, I'll still lose out to my emotions.
with love, `mira<3
yours truly
::MIRA ::
attached ♥
My family & friends are my life. Boyfriend & Girlfriends & Shazwan are my pillars of strength
They make my day;
Without them, I'm nothing.
Without them, I won't be what I am.
I wouldn't ask for anything more.
Vulnerable & insecure.
Sensitive & emotional.
Temperamental & insane.
Mood swings are inevitable;
They are part of me.
Love Me For Who I Am.
Hate Me By All Means.
Respect Me And I'll Respect You.
It is better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for who you are not ♥