Wednesday, November 12, 2008 09:39 Y
Timecheck: 9.38 A.M
I know it's still kind of early. But I couldn't sleep & I simply can't sleep till noon. That's so not me. Besides, I had a splitting headache. Everything around me was spinning so fast that I just had to shut my eyes. So, here I am being an early bird. (:
Sometimes I really feel like I'm a dumb, naive & gullible girl when it comes to this thing called LOVE. What does it really mean? I have this tendency to fall for guys whom I know it's impossible to work out. Sometimes I really wonder why. After the history that repeated, I just couldn't open up my heart to really love a person(guy). It's just so hard for me to trust & love this species called GUYS at the moment. All thanks to
him. Then you might ask about now. Well honestly, I think what I'm feeling now is just a super serious crush. If that's what you want to call it. This time round, I fell for a guy who is heartless. In a way just like me. I tend to like weird guys. I don't know if I love him but I know I like him. I'm just not sure of my own feelings. I'm confused. I mean, like I said before, everything starts with friends. I'm not expecting anything in return for my feelings. I totally agree with what Liwi said, "Love is never about possession." That is so true. Obviously I don't love easily. My heart is as hard as steel. I think he knows I like him. Cause face it, his whole entire gang knows it. He can't be that ignorant right? & Right up till now, I'm still wondering what that picture, that his friends showed me, meant. It's still bugging me. It's been 6 months since I've seen that picture & I still have no answers. I wanted to ask them but no, I didn't. I still remember my reaction when I saw that picture. I wasn't sad actually. Instead, I was disappointed. Probably disappointed with myself that I cried in silence during that holiday remedial class. Yeah, that's how I reacted upon seeing that picture. I'm trying to muster my courage to ask his friends & not him. Why? I think I'm being in denial & I'm trying to avoid him. But I can't deny the fact that he's never failed to make me smile & make my heart beat double as fast whenever he's around. I'm happy as long as we remain friends. In fact, friends we shall be. I don't want to gamble away my friendship with him. I'm not brave enough to risk something so precious. Nevertheless, sometimes I hope that miracles could happen right about now.
I get the best feeling in the world when you say hi or even smile at me because I know, even if it’s just for a second, that I've crossed your mind.